I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
