I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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