She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
