His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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