i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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