I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
