she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
