I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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