and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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