I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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