so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
