i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
