I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
