She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
