I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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