Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
