woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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