The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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