yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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