are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
