just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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