Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's like heaven, but drunker
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
