man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
