Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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