Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
