Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
