When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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