don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
