you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
