Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
