And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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