Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize