Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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