they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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