quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
