I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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