I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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