Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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