one might say we're banned from that church
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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