I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
