You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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