Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
