Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
