I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
