just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
