rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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