he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you never un-have a 4some
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
