so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
