Already got asked if we're dating
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize