Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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