i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
