I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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