Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
