Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
