worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
