we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize