to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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