ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
