Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
