the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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