i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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