I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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