my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
