he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize