how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's like heaven, but drunker
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i think my cat just said my name.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
