Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
