I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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