I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
