well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
