I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize