his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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