Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found puke in my bra..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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