So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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