lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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