I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
