You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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