After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
