Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
