I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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